Say something about gay babies.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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