Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry jayneycakes hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(713): View more from Texas

Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?

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(410): View more from Maryland

sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well

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(703): View more from Virginia

Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...

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(937): View more from Ohio

so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.

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(812): View more from Indiana

The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.

(503): View more from Oregon

I'm on the job.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.

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(319): View more from Iowa

we live vicariously through your huge boobs

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