12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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