all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
