Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize