Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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