The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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