I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize