May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
