I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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