drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
