I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
