This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
