escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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