i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
