We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize