Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
