I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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