hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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