the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
