she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
