Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
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