so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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