Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
