I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
