True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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