Have you finally orgasmed yet?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
