Your tits are I can't wait for
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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