I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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