Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
