I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
