hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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