Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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