when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
