so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
