I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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