There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
