dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
