More tranny stories later!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
