Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
