Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
