Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize