Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
