Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
