Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize