A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
