my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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