she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
