i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize