im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
