Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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