C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
