I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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