i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
