Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
