90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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