video games are the ultimate cock blocker
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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