I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
