So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
