Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize