it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
