Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
