Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
