I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
