Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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