she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
