I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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