You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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