I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
there's paper in my vomit.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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