he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i think my cat just said my name.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
