u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
