I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
