I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
