Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
