similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
