So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
